Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
