Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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