i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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