i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
