hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
