ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
