you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
