Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
