No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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