hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Farmville is her only friend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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