I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
