people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
