It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
