and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
