Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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