whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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