Just cropdusted the office
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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