dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
