Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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