they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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