Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
