He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
