I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
