How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
