"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
