Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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