If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
