Texts From Last Night

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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

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  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
  Replies (85) Good night (5008) Bad night (1197)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!

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  (630): dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg! http://tfl.nu/jn1p
  Replies (19) Good night (969) Bad night (3500)
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  (707): View more from California

  you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!

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  (707): you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?! http://tfl.nu/ug5x
  Replies (17) Good night (3774) Bad night (722)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.

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  (330): Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt. http://tfl.nu/yvoh
  Replies (10) Good night (1868) Bad night (4315)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

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  (240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3
  Replies (36) Good night (8908) Bad night (788)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

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  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (5323) Bad night (4915)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.

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  (785): last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ifrq
  Replies (18) Good night (7670) Bad night (1089)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair

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  (630): the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair http://tfl.nu/rgwc
  Replies (17) Good night (1272) Bad night (4637)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..

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  (+44): The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her.. http://tfl.nu/uw6o
  Replies (5) Good night (2280) Bad night (765)
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  (626): View more from California

  You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin

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  (626): You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin http://tfl.nu/mf5k
  Replies (6) Good night (2466) Bad night (1160)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

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  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (11) Good night (2885) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal

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  (516): i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal http://tfl.nu/qt14
  Replies (6) Good night (1971) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.

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  (402): Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling. http://tfl.nu/cu5s
  Replies (16) Good night (495) Bad night (2028)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.

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  (570): I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off. http://tfl.nu/8cid
  Replies (11) Good night (1064) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.

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  (513): Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th. http://tfl.nu/da6g
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (224)

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