I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.