Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever

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(503): I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever http://tfl.nu/qcqe

Replies (7) Good night (880) Bad night (1662)
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(740): View more from Ohio

My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome

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(740): My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome http://tfl.nu/ktp3

Replies (27) Good night (3506) Bad night (1071)
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(727): View more from Florida

You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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(727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y

Replies (15) Good night (4128) Bad night (801)
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(631): View more from New York

Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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(631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08

Replies (9) Good night (1062) Bad night (3767)
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(727): View more from Florida

I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

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(727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj

Replies (12) Good night (5511) Bad night (1139)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

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(703): Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience. http://tfl.nu/jxin

Replies (73) Good night (4356) Bad night (6435)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

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(602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb

Replies (6) Good night (7107) Bad night (927)
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(740): View more from Ohio

well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."

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(740): well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful." http://tfl.nu/nfe2

Replies (11) Good night (1461) Bad night (5893)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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(+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw

Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (693)
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(806): View more from Texas

Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.

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(806): Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party. http://tfl.nu/ld7o

Replies (4) Good night (2079) Bad night (643)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.

(732): View more from New Jersey

You said you were "testing the product for Chris."

(848): View more from New Jersey

I'm a bad man.

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(732): While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing. (732): You said you were "testing the product for Chris." (848): I'm a bad man. http://tfl.nu/x77n

Replies (2) Good night (1519) Bad night (765)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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(740): I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas http://tfl.nu/8zhl

Replies (3) Good night (1943) Bad night (673)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.

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(414): He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married. http://tfl.nu/rsec

Replies (7) Good night (691) Bad night (889)
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(585): View more from New York

Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?

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(585): Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain? http://tfl.nu/ljpg

Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (443)
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(707): View more from California

DON'T WEAR PANTS.

(707): View more from California

I REPEAT.

(707): View more from California

DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.

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(707): DON'T WEAR PANTS. (707): I REPEAT. (707): DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS. http://tfl.nu/9ogh

Replies (7) Good night (692) Bad night (247)

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