I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
