After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.