Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.