Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here

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  (586): Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here http://tfl.nu/xld2
  Replies (0) Good night (1751) Bad night (1505)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (2234)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.

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  (706): If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america. http://tfl.nu/uk3q
  Replies (28) Good night (1435) Bad night (2615)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (1080) Bad night (3764)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?

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  (913): high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life? http://tfl.nu/lv3r
  Replies (10) Good night (3723) Bad night (995)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.

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  (315): I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night. http://tfl.nu/7th0
  Replies (9) Good night (4560) Bad night (1876)
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  (714): View more from California

  Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.

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  (714): Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days. http://tfl.nu/680e
  Replies (8) Good night (1751) Bad night (3642)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.

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  (803): He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face. http://tfl.nu/7qv4
  Replies (21) Good night (1365) Bad night (5414)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous

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  (808): she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous http://tfl.nu/8uf4
  Replies (15) Good night (5683) Bad night (1348)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.

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  (479): Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE. http://tfl.nu/evb8
  Replies (10) Good night (723) Bad night (2305)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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  (616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf
  Replies (2) Good night (1322) Bad night (497)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!

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  (419): So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me! http://tfl.nu/6u48
  Replies (8) Good night (945) Bad night (403)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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  (907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4
  Replies (13) Good night (717) Bad night (593)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.

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  (941): I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night. http://tfl.nu/uguq
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (229)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested

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  (301): What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested http://tfl.nu/1943
  Replies (1) Good night (283) Bad night (213)

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