Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
