She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's blow job season.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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