Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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