Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
COCAINE IS GR8
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
