Banned from zoo.
Again?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
