so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
