She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
