I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
