My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
