you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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