even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
