And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
