My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
