Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
