lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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