at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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