I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
