Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think your dad took our porno
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
