i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
