the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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