Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
