Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
