i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
