just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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