drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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