I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How naked do you want me to be?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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