you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
