Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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