Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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