I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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