I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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