I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize