just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
