i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
