The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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