I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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