I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
