College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
