Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
