I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
