Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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