ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
