mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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