shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
