just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
