We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
