I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
handjob tips. give me some.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i now understand why vodka
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
